Lavanya Opines


Why this ruckus about “My Choice”?

my-choice1By now everyone has seen, heard, and read about the two video clips doing the rounds on youtube. One being the VougeEmpower featuring Deepika Padukone and 99 other women and the other one being the male parody of the same. Now most people, including I, have read the criticism the Vogue video is fetching, most notably from Gaurav Arora,, and Piyashree Dasgupta, First Post. (sources of both articles along with other articles are given at the bottom). And poor Deepika is at the receiving end too. Now what I don’t understand is why is everyone so irked and irritated by this Vogue video? Is it hitting the nerves very hard where it hurts most? It definitely seems so.

Lot of talk is about feminism. Lot of talk about ‘sexual choices’ and equating that with love. Focus seems to have shifted only to these two ideas. Everyone has a choice every time as said in Fantastic Four – Rise of Silver Surfer. But we seem to have found three things which do not merit choice – Religion, Sex & Sexuality, Marriage. Utter something about any one of these three things and you are in line of fire. This is evident from the above posts. And to drag Deepika’s professional choices is again a very bad example. I remember TOI making headlines about her dress and pole dancing in Happy New Year. Why don’t people understand that she was playing a character and the dress and pole dancing is required for the character? May be the reason we don’t see cinema as a medium of expression but rather a punching bag to be used as we please.

I wonder had there been no utterance of sex and sexuality in the video, the video would have been a hit. Even the above mentioned authors would have approved it. Sex and sexuality are both personal choices of every human. Whom you want to have sex with, how many times, premarital, post-marital, extramarital. Your damn choice. You want to be homosexual, heterosexual, lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual. You damn choice again. All I can do is support you. I may not understand first. But I will definitely make an effort to understand you, your reasons, and your decisions, and respect the same. I expect the same from you.

You would ask me then are we downgrading our moral values by encouraging extramarital affairs. No I am not. Let me ask you. Why would anybody go out of marriage to seek sexual pleasure? 1. Because sex with spouse is not satisfying for number of reasons. Solution: Talk with your spouse about the same. Research and understand what pleases you. Internet is a good and relevant source with hundreds of medical websites pointing you in right direction. Problem: We don’t talk about sex. 2. Because sex with partner does not involve love. Solution: Talk with your spouse about the same. Research and understand what pleases you. Internet is a good and relevant source with hundreds of medical websites pointing you in right direction. Problem: We don’t talk about sex. The ones who talk have filthy mind.

The choice of education, financial independence, and supporting families are not choices per se. Do you choose to remain uneducated? No. Then, may be you are talking about choosing a stream – engineering, medical, arts, commerce etc. I am doubtful because I choose a stream not because I have choice between choosing engineering, medical, arts, commerce stream but because I have an interest to study that subject. I research about the stream and I make efforts to get into good institution.

We have so many examples of women leaders who are leading the financial institutions such as banks. They wanted to make it big and made it big. They did not choose to either make it big or just be a simple housewife.

Again financially independent and supporting families are more of requirements now a days with increasing prices. True, people and especially women are working as domestic helps and laborers so that their children can educate themselves and come to better positions But then again it is not a choice but lack of resources and finances at their end. Do you mean they have a choice not to let their children study due to lack of resources and finances.

Choice is doing dream job requiring working late or odd hours. Choice is supporting the choice.

Choice is to choose whom you want to marry – the one with beautiful face or the one with golden heart or the one with simple manner or the one with inheritance or the one who is independent.

Choice is either to give gifts (read dowry) or not to give. Choice is either to accept the gifts or not to accept.

Choice is either to make your wife understand the value of parents or to leave her or to move out with her.

Choice is having sex with a man who says he wont marry you but still wants to have sex with you.

This is my choice, my life. I choose to be how my life will be. I choose to take responsibility. The video is all about this. The video is not about feminism , belittling men, or about becoming ‘Charlie Sheen’.

Links for the posts mentioned above:


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Why can’t I diet?

Diet-letterThis post is dedicated to all my girl friends and all those girls who are unable to do diet or better still unable to control eating habits to get slim. Yet we are happy. 🙂

Darlings..!! We fret a lot about getting into shape. But we can’t leave our food and go on diet. What’s interesting is we cheat a lot. No matter what we promise at the end of the day, precisely while on bed, closing our eyes, and before drifting into our dream world, we never break the one promise that we made to our love, food. So why fret? Lets enjoy because we are not the ones to be blamed but our parents. Here are my reasons of not being able to work out to get that hour-glass figure. If you have some more, please share. 🙂

1. Our parents, especially our moms are to be blamed for all of this craving of food. Bachpan se hi kha beta kha..dimaag chalega..kehke khilati rahi..ab dimaag tau chal gaya par subhah uth ke chala ni jaata. Moms, Indian moms, are fond of feeding their children. It’s some kind of feeling that has been ingrained in them that only food can truly show the love they have for their children. Yeah the food is tasty but when you have grown up eating such tasty food, how can one expect to control and go on a diet at a later stage??

2. College and First Job. The best places one can be and the best time in one’s life. College canteens and all the yummy food. How can one resist? And first job. The thrill of being financially independent. The joy of paying from own pocket at restaurants ranging from Dunkin Doughnuts to TGIF, from resto-bars to lounge bars, from family restaurants to pubs. First job lets you taste everything. If you don’t eat at these places then how can you strike a conversation with a complete stranger at your office. The thrill of being labelled as foodie and restaurant guide is better than being employee of month. If we have such a life style, then how can one expect to control and go on a diet at a later stage??

3. Lovely lovely sleep time. How can somebody deny that morning 5 Am to 7 AM is the best time to sleep? The cool breeze, the just coming out sun, the peace at home and in mind, and more importantly the quietness of all family members. These, my darling, can only be found between 5 AM and 7 AM. How can one get up and go for  a work out at this time and leave the sleep?

4. Lack of boyfriend or having a boyfriend who isn’t concerned about your figure. Having no boyfriend means you are happy and you don’t have to worry about keeping him happy or boosting his ego or worse his attention drifting towards a pathaka. We are free to do our shopping, having fun with friends, and enjoying our food. And having a boyfriend who isn’t concerned about your figure, ladies, we are blessed. He is with you because he thinks you are awesome just the way you are. He loves to go out and enjoy food with you. For him, it’s not your figure that attracted him to you but your charming nature and your some special quality, which only he knows. Yes, I admit, even he would want that you be in good shape but not a model shape. But both of them do not push us towards dieting and worse still working out. Lack of boyfriend does not need any explanation for lack of push. Having such an awesome boyfriend also does not help because he is not going to push you for fear of you being angry and because he is happy with you at the moment. How can one get motivation to get into shape then?

5. The most important point is our love for food. We love food. I am deliberately not saying ‘eating’ because ‘eating’ is somewhat uncivilized. We are civilized girls. The proper girls who know their manners well enough. We just love food. We love to experiment and try new cuisines. For us food is way to connect with a culture the food belongs to. Food uplifts the spoiled mood. For instance, when I am feeling low at office, I love to have a walnut brownie with hot chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream. And when I am loaded too much, I love to have a butter scotch ice cream. They are just yum. They uplift the mood in minutes and make us the happy persons we were before being loaded. When we go home and see the beautiful plate with delicious food, how can we just turn our face away from them? How can then we betray our first love?

Darlings..!! We are happy the way we are. Let’s enjoy our food and let the whole world cry about we not looking after our figure. Everyone has their own agenda to get into shape. But we don’t because we love our food. So darlings!! we cannot diet or work out because of the love of food.

Photo source: Google images

Inputs: From my gang of girl friends.

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Why can’t women drive properly?

With due regards to each and every group present on earth, I ask this question “why can’t women drive properly?” Yes, I am a girl and I admit it rather very shamefully that I can’t drive my car properly. First, lets a take broad look at the incident that prompted me to put down these thoughts on paper.

One fine afternoon, I was coming back to office after my post-lunch munching. The small yet profiting stall was situated on the left hand side of a T-point intersection. There were a bunch of college folks sitting on a Kinetic Honda across the stall on the opposite side of the T-point. And just next to them was a sparkling black Mahindra Xylo. This MUV is a real star. So I would rephrase and say that the bunch of college folks was sitting next to the star. Now, a lady was driving a Santro and she was about to take a u-turn at the intersection. At the same time, a gentleman was driving Wagon-R from the opposite side. He put on his brakes. Though, I wondered, even the lady could have put on the brakes and gentleman could have made the cut before the lady could turn her car. Anyways, the lady took the turn and as expected she put her brakes just before ramming into the Kinetic Honda and missing the Xylo. It was as if I knew this would happen. Psychic, some would say. She put her reverse brakes and then made the correct turn.
The million dollar question arises in everyone’s mind “why can’t women drive properly?”

Sympathetically, I think about the many times I have done exactly like this. All the yelling’s of my brother ring like a loud drum in my ear. And then, the analyst in me took the charge and said we must look into this problem and provide our analysis.

Let’s roll then. This is my personal experience.

1. Women are trained to be “multi-tasking” people and are expected to be so. So their mind is also focused on doing multiple things at one time. So being focused on thing at one time is not possible for women. Thus, driving properly focusing on driving alone is not possible.

2. Now, the next statement comes “driving is not single thing alone”. It’s multi tasking. Look for the irate drivers coming on both sides, look for the distance and put brakes at appropriate distance, slow down the speed and change the gear simultaneously. Yeah driving is not a single thing alone. One should only keep these things in mind. But women are trained into thinking multiple things related to multiple tasks, multiple emotions, and multiple multiples all at one time. So not thinking anything else other than what is intended, to drive, is next to impossible.

3. The next statement is bound to hit and is very sharp one. Men also think of many things while driving. No one can remain neutral and not think anything while driving. Well, I agree with the statement as it is natural. But men can switch gears and adjust to change very easily. It takes time for women to switch and to adjust. Thinking about a new jewelry set in the swanky showroom, visualizing it on the tender body and then suddenly thinking about appropriate distance for applying brakes is very very difficult.

4. Talking and driving is very difficult for women. When women talk, they look into the face of the person or stare into the feet. Now this is a difficult task to look straight and not into the face of the person sitting next to you while driving.

5. Women are very close to nature because they are very much like nature itself. Women admire nature no matter where they are. And it is an impossible thing to do while driving. One cannot drive and look into the nature by tilting the head at a right angle.

Though, I am certain there are many women who don’t feel and think like me. And definitely, they are very good drivers. But then some exceptions are always there and axioms are based on generalities.
Women can’t drive properly.

P.S.: After documenting this analysis, I was looking for a suitable image to suit the content. So, I googled “women can’t drive”. And, to my dismay, there are so many things I have missed. Almost every single man has his thesis on why women can’t drive properly. Alas, I become the first women to join the bandwagon. Now, I don’t feel guilty of generalizing personal experience.

P.P.S: I will write a blog on how better a woman can improve her driving after I experience the same by end of September. It’s a promise.