I need to be discreet in this post as the content is potential bomb that has the capability to affect a lot of people, destabilize my career, and damage my financial health. But I want to put forth my negative emotions – anger, bitterness, helplessness, tension, and a lot many other, which I am not able to identify. Just I am sad. Very, very, sad.
I have good experience in varied trades. I am not expert. And I am not jack off all trades either. I know how much I can do and I know how much I can do better. I know my faults and I know shortcomings. Whatever I am, I am self-made. Nobody taught me anything out of sheer interest to teach things. I made mistakes. I was scolded for mistakes. I was told how not to do mistakes but not how to correct them. I learned them myself. But when someone behaves like God, I have attitude problems in accepting such behavior. When someone wags tongue, I have attitude problem in accepting such talk. When someone tries to make me feel guilty, I have attitude problem in accepting such person. When someone doesn’t explain reasons and keep pointing I am a failure, I have attitude problem in accepting such person. When someone doesn’t know how to handle their responsibility and yet throw their position, I have attitude problem in accepting such person. When someone is at a certain senior position or is a client, they seem to forget one thing. With great power comes great responsibility. And I cant do much about my situation because they can screw me bad. I have attitude problems with person who loose faith and confidence in me just because someone has fed them bullshit. I have attitude problems with person who cannot stand on their stand.
Yes, this is a learning phase. But, I am doing very bad right now. I don’t know anything that makes my position strong. I have no clue about how to make myself happy and how to come out with flying colors. All I know is I want to burn out completely and then rise like a phoenix. A process which will take time to slowly burn me out. A process which will break a lot of myths and facades. A process which is painful.
Anyone out there, reading my post and has understood my feelings, please write to me and help me.