Goodbyes are really hard to say. For the first time in my life, I was unable to say a proper goodbye. I, meekly and conveniently, text messaged the person saying our goodbyes were not in proper order. I wish I could have said that in person and with a smile. The person was not only my colleague and my junior but also a good friend. I spent most of my office hours with the person only. Our desks were in same bay and we car pooled. We shared our thoughts and opinions on many things. We pulled each other’s leg with equal enthusiasm. But still I wasn’t able to say goodbye in person. To my satisfaction, I say that the person did not ask me stay when I was leaving the office. But then there was no need for the person as I could have stayed back. With each mile I was going away from the office, I was getting more aware of this fact and more upset because of this fact.
It was the hardest goodbye I had in my life until now. I had some very serious backlash in the last week of the person at office. I know that I shouldn’t have let the backlash come in between us. Yet, I gave in and left the office. I know the person is angry and has every right to be. But I am just unable to say proper goodbye.
May be these types of situations happen at least once with every one of us. A simple Google search provides many quotes on goodbyes. Some of them, that I like and that mirror my feelings right now are :
The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said or never explained.
Goodbyes hurt more than anything. Especially when deep down, you know you will never say “hello” again.
Somehow, I had this feeling that I will not be able to say hi to this person again. So I guess, I decided not to say goodbye either. It took me three days to come out of this feeling. But a question lingered on. Are our goodbyes in proper order? I believe life is a journey. We meet so many people along the way. Only some of them stay till we reach our destination but most of them get down in between. Before getting down, they give us memories and experiences. Above all, they allow us to add them in our stories. To them goodbyes should be in proper order. Some of them drift away for either some strong reason or no reason at all.To them also goodbyes should be in proper order. For those people who fall in both categories, goodbyes must be in proper order. They gave us memories, experiences, and stories, and yet we allowed them to drift away from us like the moving water takes away the paper ship from us.
Paulo Coehlo said ‘If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello. ” If only I can have one chance, I would say goodbye in proper order to the person. I would tell the person that you renewed the fighting spirit and restored the lost confidence in me. I would tell the person that you made me learn things in a way that I would never forget. The lesson about not thinking & yet thinking about negative things. The lesson about negative attitude. The lesson about being persistence enough to know the reason and being irresolute enough to let go of things. I would tell the person, of all the friends, you are one of those few who have had a positive influence on me. I just want one chance to say to the person, “my friend..goodbyes are not ends..they are only saying I miss you until we meet again.”
Hope I get the chance when the person is pacified and before the person flows out to make a new journey. Amen.