Lavanya Opines

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Sending love to anyone wishing for

This is the first post of 2022 and I seriously did not want this post as the first post. But sometimes, I am not in control.

I am feeling rather lonely today. The thought of being 38 and still not yet having someone to love is irritating at the least and frustrating at the best. I am not new to the power of being alone but today I feeling lonely, not alone. I blame this squarely, for the most part, on the heat waves causing havoc at my place. I cant go out and enjoy myself. I don’t want to talk to the usual bunch of friends. I did not have the once-in-a-lifetime love. Oh, that would be a heart wrenching story. But I am not made for that. I am made for the love in fiction. For the remaining part of feeling this lonely, I blame on the romance novels I just finished. Ooh the lovers in the fiction. Tall, dark and expressive eyes, handsome, and falling for femmes like me head over heals saying I don’t want space, I want you. But ouch, they are not present in the real world. I don’t know if I will meet my love. But I will not stop looking for the one, until I meet the one.

So here I am sending love to anyone wishing for now.

The stars in the sky bear the witness of our longing. The stillness bear the witness of our thoughts.

The eyes searches for the one everywhere but still miss them.

The heart searches for the one beyond what the eyes cannot see, singing a love song, hoping the one listens.

The love song is not a ballad but a wish to be with you, to touch you, to loose everything for you, to gain myself for you, to be one with you, to be different from you, to shine with you.

Love is powerful but need two to complete. Love is fluid but need two to contain.

The passing moments bear witness to the love I am feeling and to the love I am sending though the endless, countless atoms present in this space.

The atoms bear witness to the love reaching everyone who wish for the one now. The atoms bear witness to love becoming a force, a love thought, from all of us.

The stars bear witness to the powerful love thought reaching the one and making the one feel the love, the love of countless souls wishing to be with the one.

If you are received the love, do let me know.

If your heart received the love thought, do let me know.

I am waiting for you.

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I am drifting and I am the anchor

I am drifting, slowly and knowingly.

I see myself drifting into abyss like a fallen leaf on a calm sea.

I let myself drift into the abyss time and again.

I stretch my hand to hold myself from drifting.

I slowly let go of myself and drift apart from myself.

I stand still for hours and hours without even a fleeting thought.

I cry for hours and hours without even dropping a tear.

I am remorseful for not loving myself.

I am guilty of letting myself drift into unknown.

And I repeat again.

I need an anchor for myself.

I need the anchor to love myself, for the first time, and for the next time, and forever.

I need the anchor to guide me out of the abyss.

I need the anchor to hold myself in darkness and in light.

How far will I search? How much will I search? Whom will I search?

But the truth is I am the anchor.

I am the power. I am the love.

I am the light guiding myself.

I am the strength to hold me tight and never let go.

(c) Lavanya 2021

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Still Noons of Summer

During this pandemic, country-wise lockdowns have been announced forcing people to remain indoors. Many have written and posted images about how the lockdown has rendered busiest sections of cities empty with an eerie silence. But to me, such silence was never a worry.

Have you ever ventured out at noon in summer? Sometime between 12 PM to 1 PM? May be just outside your home, in your balcony? Perhaps below the window of your office building? May be to a nearby outlet? Or perhaps walking through open lanes to somewhere? I have. And I felt like everything around me has just stopped in its track yet something is still moving. Time is moving, the moments will pass yet the summer noon is still and is silently waiting for me. The chirping of birds somewhere, the whistling of winds through the trees here and there, and inaudible human voice. Even my thoughts seem to have left me. Can this be called those “peaceful moments” that we long so much? May be yes.

Sometimes, I stroll through the lanes aimlessly even though I know the destination I am going to. Sometimes, I just look towards the graveled path leading to somewhere. Somehow nothing captures my fancy and nothing comes to my mind. Like the still water. Like the vast open blue sky. Somehow I forget everything, even my existence. I am only the silence around me. I am still with myself.

These feelings are given apt words by Dante Gabriel Rossetti in his poem “Silent Noon” that, according to T Feezy’s D on his blog, portrays time paradoxically as that which “provides peacefulness and serenity while simultaneously lingering in its unavoidable passing”. T Feezy’s D analyzes the poetry beautifully and provides a comparison between passing time and lover’s union, peacefully in the moment but does not last.